I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she peed on how many people?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
