I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
