i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
