I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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