I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
