Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
