she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
