he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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