I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize