just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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