The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
