judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am naked and annoyed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
