oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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