I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize