If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
