Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
