First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize