I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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