1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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