Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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