Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
