It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
