If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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