My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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