i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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