He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
