Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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