I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
