he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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