I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
