hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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