do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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