You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
