What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
