Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
