i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
