I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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