You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
