how can u be prego again
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
