capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
