I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
