but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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