All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
