all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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