I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
