i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
