office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
