i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i dont even know how to be here
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize