um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
