using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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