i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
