I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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