Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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