Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize