You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
