I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm too high and old for this...
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