I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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