I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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