I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
