I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
