she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
