Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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