wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
