areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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