i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
