Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
