who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
