whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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