i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
