my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Randomize
