She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize