So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
