Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize