def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
