Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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