the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I could fuck to npr.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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