i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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