What a fucking waste of an outfit
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
