Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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