how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
