so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
