If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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