My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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