The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
